I had a moment where I thought he could be redeemed. When he listened to Darla and was letting the girl go. And then he listened to Fauxdelia, and I'd very much like to see him gone.

He can not be redeemed from this. He captured an innocent and allowed her to be killed. He LED her to the slaughter.

I love Vincent Kartheiser. He was awesome in Masterminds. But the biggest problem I'm having right now in Angel is they are writing him for shit.

SOMEONE should have mentioned Holtz! You can't tell me that if someone had said - Would this be what your FATHER - Holtz - would want you to do? - that he would still have not been such a frelling idiot?

I know, Fauxdelia pulled all the right strings on the alienated hormone-crazed teenage boy, but damn, does the boy NOT have any common sense? And can they stop with the showing them smooching, *please*?

Now, onto the good stuff. Skip! Skip the Demon is EVIL! w00t! Well, not really, but you have to admit it was cool!

Wes with the bullets! Bulletcam! *does happy Wesley dance* I love my Wesley man!

I liked Darla's reappearance. The juxtaposition between My Sweet Boy from Fauxdelia and My Beautiful Boy from her was very cool. And I was glad that they explained how they twigged to Fauxdelia. So that whole Big Bad thing in Fauxdelia's room was all a setup to get her pissed off. Awesome.

And I'd totally spaced out on Gina Torres being in the post-opening credits. I saw it, was all cool, then forgot it. Then she was there! Damn, but she is hot, and I'm straight! :D

And it looked like Fred's going to be the one who isn't affected by her glory. That'll be interesting to hear explained.

Rating: 7/10. They've had better eps, but the Connor bits in this dragged it down for me.

I don't care for music. This is strange in someone like myself, who thinks in music. I can usually tell someone I know from their voice far before I recognize their face or name. (This always amuses the kids when comparing voice actors from various cartoons.) I'm just not into music. On the other hand, I end up getting really opinionated about it at times.

Just ask my girlfriend. On second thought, don't. I'd like to keep some of my reputation intact.

So, XTC. You've probably heard one or two of their songs. You probably haven't seen them in concert. Spinner calls them, the great lost pop band. No, their name isn't in reference to methylenedioxy-n-methylamphetamine. Now you know about as much as I knew about them when I started coveting my ex-boyfriend's Skylarking CD. (He eventually broke down and got me a copy on the cheap. He was such a sweetie.) I own a handful of the albums, including an extra copy (luckily: one seems to have wandered away) of Oranges and Lemons. The whole family knows not to mess with my XTC cds.

So I bought a copy off of Amazon. I always feel so naughty just up and buying something for myself... I mean, I don't mind buying gifts I'll end up sharing (like 4th Edition Talislanta) but something for ME?

I think my husband, in the short time I've had this CD, knows it by heart. Which isn't a bad thing, especially because the songs are so different that you CAN listen to them several times in a row. I happen to have a preferred playlist, of course, skipping over a few that I like a little less, but... there isn't anything on here that I just dislike.

The orchestra makes a difference: it makes it sound more mature. The lyrics are still relating literally to the human condition. (I also buy Seal albums for the same reason. Well, and because I have him confused with the angel Eli from In Nomine, but that's another story altogether.) It's almost always a disappointment to hear where the lyrics come from, because listening to the music gives the brain such an epic view of the meaning. That's why I like music more than, say, poetry, given that each person finds their own meaning. Poetry seems personal, music seems shared.

"See the Greenman blow his kiss from high church wall
And unknowing church will amplify his call..."

Then just two songs later...

"And when I say I can't own her
I don't mean to buy her
It's nothing at all to do with money
I simply want her in my arms forever more.
Is that an odd request?
Is that something so funny?"

Tempered with love lost, levity maintained, and sanity gained by the tending of fruit, this wouldn't be a bad album to start your XTC collection.

When we ended, I wanted my own Misdreavous. Maybe a Crobat. Heck, I would have settled for a Houndoom. I can do the Jynx wiggle.

We rented the Pokemon Battle Stadium (2) because it allowed four players, and we were getting tired of Smash Bros. We didn't have any expansion packs or memory, so I don't know how any evolving or special expansion-only abilities work. On the other hand, even if you can't battle your own Pokemon to a ridiculously high level, you can "rent" basic Pokemon for battles.

The major attraction, of course, are the battles. There are a variety of types, different because of choices of creature levels, players, style of tournament, and stadium choices. You can play against friends or the computer. There's also a battle collection where you play a number of preprepared battles against the computer, attempting to win to the "next level."

You also have a variety of "mini-games" involving various Pokemon at their everyday tasks.

See, you remember the old AD&D world, where you actually had a creature evolve to look like an executioner's hood in order to feed on people? Not to mention the whole dungeon ecology question? The Pokemon world is that taken to a serious level.

Big bug creatures with razor-sharp claws and horns cut trees. Birds with powers deriving from the element of fire can help in the forges. Of course, most people only have one Pokemon (the advantage to trying to become a "Master" being access to your own menagerie.)

There is a wonderful set of "lessons" on Pokemon strategy included, which teaches a great deal about the Pokemon world as well as how to work the choosing of Pokemon in your fights to your advantage. You have to use the lessons in battles, but after having done so, I won more battles against my better-informed little sister opponents.

We easily wasted the better part of a week on the game. That's a recommendation. While you can defeat the preplanned theme battles and minigames fairly easily, great fun can be had afterwards just fighting your friends. (We liked to make our own themes. "Tiny creatures" versus "huge creatures." "Creatures beginning with the letter 'S'." "Only psychic Pokemon.")

When I can find it for sale, it's a definite buy.

Oh, sorry. Distracted, you know. I'd much rather indulge my cat girl fantasies than think about the movie.

Alright, I'll admit it.

I can't get over the ships. Well, OK, not that the ships were, well, ship-shaped. (hee hee) But the fact that they stood on the decks while cruising through space bothered me. (I've heard the "etherium" explanation, that it's not Outer Space, exactly. I didn't buy the LintKing's suggestion that it was SpellJammer, either.) The complete disregard to the laws of physics, oh yeah, that bothered me.

(deep breath) It was a cartoon.

I mean, I expected that. After all, the entire thing is animated. I guess I had just grown to expect...I don't know. Something different.

That's even after the movie steals blatantly from other science-fiction cinema. I think I grew tired after counting the "Aliens", "Lost In Space", and other references. (Not like, say, "The Mummy," where that's half the fun.) There's even a few halfway clever bits, like "Alponian" meals for the canine type.

Where this movie succeeds most is where, say, "Muppet Treasure Island" failed. Not merely in the lack of singing, which is not an inconsiderable blessing (OK, I liked "Cabin Fever"), but in the bringing of the story to a children's level. Treasure Planet is a nice thing to look at for adults, but ultimately disappointing.

Even if you fantasize about cat girls with large vocabularies and English accents.

On the other hand, I realize there are people who read for entertainment, so I'll try to accept that as a potential. Me, I'm constantly trying to do something with what I've read, either work it into a project (usually gaming) or, well, something else. (Yes, I'm thinking pornography. Just once every seven seconds or so.)

Erm. Anyway.

So, in this latest installment, Anita discovers (as soon as she stops fighting it) that she's picked up some of the abilities and drawbacks of both her magically-superglued partners. The majority of the book is spent in sexually-charged situations, but the violence counterpart is still well represented. The main storyline suffers significantly to the intercharacter politics, making the inevitable climax unfulfilling.

It's hard not to describe Anita Blake books except in sexual metaphors, and that may be why my interest is waning. See, before with Anita, the relationship was charged. It had "maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't" in it. She had personal grit and that grit opened the world to her, not any powers she might have had (and using her powers usually came at a significant cost.) Personal grit is attractive. Assertive women can be sexy. This book showed that her vulnerabilities, however, are overwhelming the aspects that attracted me. After Blue Moon the seduction is over, and now the excitement is gone as she is swallowed by the dark forces.

Some of the conflicts are resolved, but others are developed in the continuing storyline. Frankly, it's hard to say if Hamilton took the "easy way out" or if she's just complicating things to the point that it'll be very hard to work new (or lapsed) readers into the romantic plot. While the BDSM community is being better represented, as well as a bit of the genderbending one, so that's a positive. On the other hand, there are scenes that certainly qualify as pornographic in this one. (Down to copious amounts of male reproductive fluids, I must admit. It takes the phrase, "She certainly shows some spunk!" to a whole new level.)

With that image left sticky in your mind, I'm going to say that to its credit it does develop some new information on the lycanthropes, as well as setting the stage for more on vampiric politics. While it's still leaving us wanting on that level, this book fails to satiate.

First things first, I spent most of the first book wanting to scream at the protagonist. It wasn't really her fault, I suppose, that she had less motivation than Merlin in the second Amber series. She was enough of a non-person that I had to look up her name a day after having finished the series. Anything she seems to accomplish seems done purely out of reaction, rather than purpose.

Now, truthfully, it does lend a certain definition to her character, but not one which interests me as a reader. Yes, I understand the metaphor between Dorothy's grey Kansas, and the colours of Oz, and yes, adventure tempers you into something else. I understand that...but it's hard to watch someone you suppose is fairly intelligent (if underapplied) simply go through life as if in a dream.

It's even worse when you figure in the slimy antagonist, a fellow who is seemingly irresistable to women (of course) bringing a needless level of intimacy into the story. The suggestion of rape, along with the lack of willpower associated with the protagonist makes for an unpleasant and unnecessary sideplot. Frankly, as stereotypical as it is, it made me very aware that the author wasn't writing as a woman. You didn't get the feeling that Terisa (I looked her name up on Amazon) was helpless because of her past, or her emotions, or even her expectations of womanhood (which would have fit her background), you get the idea that she was so out of touch with reality that her naivete allowed the situation to develop...and that makes the ending even less believable on a character-study basis.

I'm getting ahead of myself. The story is fairly in-depth. I wouldn't call it epic, but it's certainly solid. There's magic, war, love, family, and checkers. I have a very hard time justifying the train-of-logic the author suggests is in place for the reasoning behind the actions of certain characters. I suspect it is a plastic train with a rubber squeaky top and an alignment that leans it towards the left. At the same time, while I did not entirely understand the personal vehemence the antagonists held towards the protagonists, I did get a fairly comprehensive view of the action (which was fairly sensible and well described.)

The characterization (with the exception of Terisa and her main antagonist) is fairly consistent, and several come across as rather genuine and were a pleasure to read. Overall, the right people die, the story is fairly engaging, the dialogue is adequate, but the main characters make me grit my teeth.

The truth is, the book simply breaks absolutely no new ground. The writing style is decent. Heck, given some of the books I've been reading lately, I would consider it fairly solid. The problem is, I read through the entire book thinking, "Um, yeah...and so?" There's a couple of nice resolutions, but it doesn't surprise you. The moral solutions are fairly transparent, and I kept getting the nagging feeling that I had read this book before, just in about a dozen other fantasy selections.

Honestly, it started out with kind of an anti-hero set-up. It has a fairly obvious cultural map of the protagonist being from a seemingly agrarian celtic-style area against the bureaucratic aspects of the conquering civilization. (Country mouse and city mouse, with country mouse's ways having more merit...again, you've read the story.) I had hoped when the protagonist asked for the blessing directed by the somewhat suspicious god of luck that that would have more of an impact on the story, but if it did, it was too subtle. While the first adventure had aspects that were disturbing, the second and third didn't even dent the mold. By the conclusion, you know the protagonist has turned around and while he started by looking at the end, he's starting to look towards the future.

Now to talk about the good parts, there's no ubiquitous romance. The fellow mourns his wife, and he doesn't go out to replace her, nor is there really anything but a moment or two of potential flirting between anyone else in the story. The hints of politics have some promise. The feminist angle is covered nicely as there's nothing that seems to say women don't have equal roles with men, including (especially) in the martial arena. Characters are developed according to their importance in the plot, and you get a fairly good sense of who is who. The workings of magic are fairly obscure (as they should be to a non-mage type) although there is a reference to "levels" and hints of a sorcerous enemy. It's a fairly compact read.

On the other hand, my overall impression is, "Unless you're a real fan of the genre, it's nothing you need to pick up or borrow."

This is a tough movie to review. To know why, but with no spoilers, go below.

Rating: Full Price with Reservations

The second movie got me hooked from the trailer, telling everyone to go see Star Wars, and then come watch AP2. Mini-Me was an excellent addition.

I wasn't sure that they could really keep this franchise going. All the ads and trailers and such leading up to this film made me sort of want to see it, but I wasn't desperate. I could have waited for cable.

But The Husband wanted to go, and so we went the last day of opening weekend. And I had a blast. It was more fun than I was expecting.

Don't go for the plot. Please. You should understand that this is no Bourne Identity, this is no Minority Report. This is silliness with lots of costume changes and funny jokes. This is Austin Powers, for $diety's sake!

The jokes are often crass and very base, but if you enjoyed either of the previous two movies, I think you will enjoy this one. In fact, I think it is even better than the second movie, and Lou (that's The Husband) thinks it's better than both of them.

HOWEVER, I don't think you could see this movie without having seen any of the previous ones. While the self-referential jokes are kept to a minimum, they are there, and really would be lost on anyone who was going into this blind.

Michael Caine does a wonderful job as Austin's father. Beyoncé Knowles is good when she's on screen, but doesn't get much to do (I did notice that the female lead roles are getting smaller and smaller as these movies progress). Mike Myers is great in all his roles, and fortunately for me Fat Bastard was kept to a minimum.

If you enjoyed the previous movies, then this is worth a full price viewing (which in our area is $9). If you thought the earlier movies were okay, take in a matinee. And if you didn't care for them at all, give this a pass. There's nothing really new here, and I will not spoil things because I thought it was great that I went into it unspoiled. It made the jokes more amusing and kept me laughing longer.

What a fun movie.

Rating: Matinee

And all hell breaks loose. Or at least one dragon.

Fast forward about 10-20 years, wherein the dragons have destroyed civilization, breeding like rabbits, and living off the ash they create burning things with their fire breath.

A small band of survivors, led by the adult Quinn, are living in a ruined castle in Northumberland and struggling to stay alive, with what few crops they can manage to farm.

Enter Van Zandt, a rough-and-tumble American, with tanks and a helicopter and a pretty pilot/scientist named Alex. They have a method to destroy the dragons, and the madness to use it.

The dragon effects were wonderful, and the plot rather simple. But what more can you expect from a summer action flick? McConaughey does the crazy tough-guy perfectly - someone you're not necessarily supposed to like, and you don't. And he's terribly ripped - he did a good job working out to get into shape for this film. Bale does a good enough job with Quinn; the likeable hero. Scorupco does a good job with token female role, though she's not given a lot to do. But one of the best characters is played by Butler, childhood friend of Quinn's named Creedy. He has the charm and the screen presence that make you turn to look at him whenever he's on the screen.

One of my favorite scenes trades on pop culture, and I would spoil it terribly by talking about it. So let's just say that, if a Dark Age came tomorrow, today's movies might become tomorrow's great dramas.

If you love fantasy action flicks, take your time on a weekend to go to a matinee. Treat yourself and enjoy it.

Then it catches our collective eyes.

Pirates. Mmmmmmm.

Pirates: The Legend of Black Kat not only have pirates, which I just adore, but they have an anatomically pleasing (OK, busty, but she's not badly proportioned and some of the movement is very nice) redheaded pirate wench as the main character.

She kicks butt.

Admittedly, I ran through a lot of it in "easy mode" again, because as a rental we want to experience the most we can in the little time we have, but just watching her fight with her sword is exciting. Her automatic change of movement to match her in-range enemies is dramatic and deadly.

They teach you great pirate terms, like "crossing the T" in ship-to-ship battles.

It refers to how, with side-cannons, you should aim your cannons at the part of the enemy boat that does not have cannons to plug (or, in this case, unplug) you.

You have ship combat as well as hand-to-hand, as well as plenty of exploration (she has to have some dwarf or dragon blood: she can smell gold and buried treasure.) Lots of puzzles. We did end up looking one up to find out it wasn't just our inept struggling with the game controls: we were attempting what a hintmaster called, "The hardest jump in the game."

They describe her as a "rowdy but righteous" scoundrel. The backstory is fairly obvious but still amusing. (I do wonder why she wants to open a chest in the middle of a burning house, but it was for the dramatic jumping through the window scene, I think.)

Again, very easy, very intuitive controls. I actually think better attention was paid to for this than Gauntlet. The sound was nice (we don't have surround-sound set up for this, obviously, but it was very controllable and didn't overwhelm.) They have a fun feature where you could earn, in-game, additional art (portraits, landscapes, scenes) in the game's style as part of their portfolio.

It does look like a once-through style game, although that is somewhat mitigated by the ability to do player-vs-player ship battles. We didn't get an opportunity to try that one, but maybe when we rent it next. Worth renting? Yes. Worth buying? I'm going to say yes to that, too. Less breasts than Lara, and easily just as kick-butt. I wouldn't mind my little sister playing this game. Even if she ends up running a character in Seven Seas called "Captain Yo!"

Needless to say, we immediately rebelled and said, "XBOX is the foul get of Microsoft. Our anti-monopoly position is the cerberus that guards us from the temptation of the many games available, especially since the Terrible Trio and my folks are gone this long weekend... We will not sink so low as to... what? You say, 'House of the Dead 3' will be made available, and they have 'Gauntlet: Dark Legacy'? Let's go rent some games!"

We're of the generation where things like Nintendo are actual reasons marriages have dissolved. My mother can't understand it: she doesn't know how we can sit and play the same game over and over for however many hours it takes. It's insidious. It's not something you can easily explain except to say that the time it takes is not measured in your head, but in your efforts. It's like when you go off to the grocery store to buy some whipped cream because you forgot it for the banana splits you're making. To you, the trip takes hardly any time at all because you're active throughout...but to the person at home waiting for that final non-dairy spritz it's a very different length of time.

Or something like that.

We rented three games, of which I'll review two. "The Elder Scrolls III:Morrowind" we're just going to have to get for the PC, first.

Gauntlet: Dark Legacy

An improvement in many ways over the arcade version, including its lack of a time-penalty feature. It was one of the things I hated most about the original Gauntlet: there was no time to look at anything because your time would run out and you would die-please-insert-another-quarter. As the options added up, and the graphics got better, this was more of a disappointment. Now, while there are time-oriented challenges (special levels that grant you access to special characters) you have the time to go back and look around at things, if you should so please.

What is the attraction of Gauntlet? Nostalgia, and plenty of it. Even a couple of days ago, I quoted, "Wizard Needs Food...Badly." If you've never played any version of it before, the basic gist is a dungeon crawl, complete with "wizard," and "warrior" classes as well as all the variety in the middle. Each class has its plusses and minuses, all built along the same attributes. Some are faster, some are stronger, some have better distance weaponry, etc. You kill creatures and "generators" that create creatures. You eat food to heal, and as the versions have advanced, pick up special items, like keys to open chests, potions to kill great groups of creatures or the Death character, and various other fun puzzle-solvers.

What I liked? The controls were fairly easy. We never did figure out how to get into our inventory to choose our special items, but we never did RTFM, either. I was able to blast my way through four levels, easy, becoming an 11th-level witch...when apparently playing a sorceress was one of the "advanced characters" of the game. [Um, "easy mode" is exactly that.] The LintKing of course played a Jester, and we worked well together... it's set up well for playing it cooperatively versus competitively.

What I didn't like? Some of the graphics were still a bit choppy, leading to some guesswork on items and how close you could get to them without activating them (like poison food). Some of the camera angles were difficult, especially when fighting gargoyles. The Blockbuster rental didn't come with an instruction book, only some notes on the back...

Will we be buying it if XBOX wins the console wars in our household? Yes. Will we be playing it a lot? I expect so...we might even rent it again next time.

[review guest-starring Rainbow K, avid Disney-movie watcher, and kid, with associated child-reviewer credentials]

Meera says:
"The movie is about a genetically engineered creature gone horribly astray, and the intergalactic search to find him and dissect him for his own good."

That may be a bit of an over-simplification on both our parts, but SEE THE MOVIE. Much like the movie, "Toys," while the commercials were highly entertaining, none of them told you enough about the movie to get any idea of whether or not it was something you wanted to see.

"Toys" turned out to be not a children's film.

"Lilo and Stitch" is a kid's movie that adults can love.

Rainbow K says:
"It was really funny. Stitch was going to 'Block sewer lines, reverse street signs, and steal everybody's left shoe.'" She laughs.

Meera says:
"It had some incredibly on-the-spot dialogue. I was almost crying in the first few scenes between Lilo and Nani because of how true it seemed. I'd been there. I'd been both of them."

Rainbow K says:
"It was funny, and sad, and pretty cool."

Meera says:
"You go in there thinking, 'Stitch is cool.' You come out of it realizing Lilo is unlike almost any other Disney heroine. She's not tall, skinny, blonde, or a singer, but she's got grit, attitude, and she's got style."

Rainbow K says:
"You remember when she calls up Mr. Bubbles and says, 'Everything's all right now. My dog's found the chainsaw.' That was really funny. And, and, and, and... when the bad guys were playing hot potato--"
"We can't give away all the good bits."
"Well, it was really funny."

Ever since the first commercial, with the "Beauty and the Beast" scene where Belle tells Stitch to, "Get your own movie," and Stitch replies, "OK," he'd been a hit in our household. It was followed up with Stitch surfing in a "Little Mermaid" cameo, Jasmine being seduced off Aladdin's carpet and onto Stitch's spacescooter, and a Lion King, "That's not Simba," bit that had us watching and comparing ideas of what the movie was going to be like.

I went in with very little expectation of the storyline. Rainbow K saw some of a preview on Toon Disney, so she was better prepared. From the beginning I was impressed with the fact that while the animation wasn't intricate or delicate, it was still quite appropriate for the story. The colours and designs are pleasing to the eye, from the curves of the Hawaiians to the aliens.

Then the movie impressed me in one particularly important way: It was SMART.

A lot of obstacles in movies for the main characters (especially for children) have been known to forget little details, like the main character can fly, or the toughness factor. Stitch is almost indestructible, and the writers don't forget it. They remember he can crawl on ceilings. They remember that he's smart, and he learns quickly. Towards the end he pulls a stunt that had me chuckling and making comments to the LintKing that I would have to remember it for my next supers game.

Rainbow K says:
"I was really looking forward to it because Stitch was an alien and he was really cool. The songs were really neat, too." She mentions, "Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride," which was a neat scene and very uninvasive.

Unlike a lot of past Disney flicks, where you could see, "PAUSE, and BEGIN SONG" almost imprinted straight from the script onto the screen, this one doesn't have gratuitous singing. There's a soundtrack that you notice, but not one that overwhelms you.

Rainbow K thinks the movie really does fall within her age range (the 9-13 crowd) but notices that the adults who saw it with her are still talking about it a couple days after having seen it, so it must have worked for them, too.

Anything more and we'd be giving too much away. Enjoy it. It's fun.

I suppose I should have learned from Episode I. When you wait over a decade for a sequel to come out, you're bound to be disappointed. Jean Auel's latest entry in her Earth's Children series is no exception. It comes 12 years after the last book, Plains of Passage, was published and that one was no winner either.

I digress.

Shelters of Stone picks up the adventures of Ayla and Jondalar as they complete their year long journey arriving at Jondalar's home, the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii.

For those unfamiliar with the series, Ayla is an orphan who was raised by a group of people known as The Clan. They were in modern terms Neanderthals and Ayla was one of The Others (aka modern humans). She left the Clan and lived alone for several years before finding Jondalar critcally wounded by a cave lion. She heals him, the get it on (a lot) and then travel back to his homeland with much stuff in between.

Ayla and Jondalar's arrival at the Ninth Cave is met with mixed emotions. Though they are happy to see Jondalar after a five year absence, they don't know quite what to make of Ayla. Between her odd way of speaking and her affinity to domesticate animals, they don't know if she is a freak or one of the chosen spiritual leaders called Zelandoni (not to be confused with the tribe name of Zelandonii, one i).

There is not much of a plot to Shelters. Ayla is pregnant, she tries to fit in, some people object, they hunt bison, they go to a Summer Meeting, Ayla and Jondalar mate (in this context it means they get married). There is no real conflict, no climax, no big story. They just go about their lives, and well, after four prior books about "the way they lived back then" it's no longer as interesting.

Part of Auel's problem is repetition. It's a big problem. Shelters weighs in at over 700 pages and frankly could be cut down by half if all the extraneous repetition was eliminated. For example, when people meet they introduce themselves formally with full names, ties and allegiances. So, it goes something like this:

"Ayla, this is Marthona, former leader if the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii; daughter of Jemara; born to the hearth of Rabanar;mated to Willamar, Trade Master of the Ninth Cave;Mother of Joharran, leader of the Ninth Cave; Mother of Folara, blessed of Donii" Then he turned to his mother. "Marthona, this is Ayla of the Mamutoi, Daughter of the Mammoth Hearth, Chosen by the Spirit of the Cave Lion, Protected by the Spirit of the Cave Bear" Marthona held out her two hands. "In the name of Doni, the Great Earth Mother, I welcome you Ayla of the Mamutoi" "In the name of Mut, Great Mother of All, I greet you Marthona of the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii, and Mother of Jondalar," Ayla said as they joined hands.

Fine, adds to the atmosphere, gives us an idea of the customs. However, this whole long process is repeated for just about every person Ayla meets - and since she's new to town, she meets a lot of people. One longed for a nice simple "She greeted him in the usual manner." to cut down on the words.

Auel also repeats events that transpired in previous novels very often. I understand this is necessary for people who haven't read the prior books or because the first book came out twenty years ago. In one instance, someone asks Ayla how she found out about firestones. She recounts how she was making tools and accidentally grabbed the wrong rock and noticed it made a spark. Good exposition for those who may not have remembered, but does she have to tell the whole story everytime someone asks her (and at least four people ask her throughtout the book).

The book doesn't even have as many of the infamous "paleo-porn" love scenes to help get through the many slow spots.

Aside from the repetition, the book fails to deliver any real bite. The book jacket talks about how not everyone accepts Ayla because of her background with the "flatheads" and it's played like it'll be this big drama. What it amounts to is someone, usually a person everyone in the tribe thinks is a schmuck anyway, objects to Ayla in some way and gets shot down by the leaders/Zelendoni with a "Too bad, we like her, go suck mammoth meat" speech.

I'm also getting tired of Ayla inventing everything from fire to sliced bread. Next thing you know she'll say "Hrm, wearing this big wad of bison fur between my legs every month is a pain in the butt, what if I rolled up some fabric in a nice tube and attached a piece of twine..."

Ok, that was catty.

In short, after reading Shelters of Stone I had to wonder why it took Jean Auel twelve years to write it. Yes, there was plenty of research involved, but I think she lost sight of the story. In my opinion, if Auel was a first time author, this book would have either never been published, or been published at about half its length.

If you're a series completist, skim the majority of this book then read the last 3-4 chapters to find out how it ends. Otherwise, give this one a pass and re-read the first three.

There are some books I read with a mixture of anguish and optimism. These are the "B Movie" books, the ones that make me simultaneously think, "How did this ever get published?" and, "Oh good, when I finally finish My Story[*] I actually have a chance."

There are also books that I go to my in-laws house so I can throw them down the stairs, repeatedly. You know, books the Book Swap looks at and just gives an evaluating, "Hmmmm."

The Lieutenant is a quiet man accustomed to the respect due his rank. He was so startled he said nothing. The courier became more offensive. Then the Lieutenant demanded, "What's your rank?"

That's a single paragraph. Alright, the book is "narrated" in a speaking form by "Croaker," a field surgeon with a romantic streak, implying that the words on the page relate to his other job, keeping the Annals of the Black Company.

The Black Company is a group of mercenaries who stick to their code, even if they're fighting for the "wrong side." This gives the book an interesting skew, as if there was another book somewhere on the other end talking about the adventure from the "usual perspective," of heroes against the Evil Undead Minions.

This book would prosper with a map alongside it. I usually find such maps extraneous, but I didn't feel I had a good mental picture of the countryside in this story, and when trying to "gain territory" with a military focus, however removed from the grit of real tactics, I like to have some idea of the environment.

Descriptions of the personalities are what drive any recognition of the characters in this book. Mistakes are made, people are killed (and worse!) Traps are laid worthy of dungeon master's notice, yet the system of how things work (especially magically) is not well-defined.

The story makes a certain kind of sense. It suffers slightly from the protagonist's syndrome, in an excuse to show more of "what's going on," the protagonist is given Special Treatment. On the other hand, the important points are resolved, the mysteries are winked at, and the writing improves.

The story contains prophecies, evil undead minions, grit, magical meihem, a couple of shapeshifters, a jibe at romances, evil wizards, good wizards, and sheep in wolves' clothing. It's a series you can miss, but I expect I'll probably be tracking down more of it.

[*] My Story: the story every writer is dabbling with for eventual finish.

Interesting mix. But this might mess up my chances for trying to watch Alias again (sigh).